Tuesday, March 18, 2014

What's Come Over Me ...

Mid-life Crisis: A term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques stating a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life.[1] A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance.
taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

Lately my thoughts drift more and I find myself dreaming of ways I can retire without moving into a homeless shelter.  I consult the calendar to see how long before I'm fully vested.  I check the financial calculators to see just how little I could live off of if I retired now.  Unlike some financially savvy folk ... I haven't planned well for my retirement and am now in that category of 'having to work until I'm 65' ... if I want to sustain my current standard of living.

I believe it is in part due to my experiencing the dreaded 'mid-life crisis'.  The rest I blame on 'forced' menopause and chemo-brain.  I was never happy with my job, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful ... just not happy.  It has become work (a four-letter word) and when it's work it's not fun.  Now that unhappy feeling has increased as I ease closer to my latter years, while the clock on my 'hoped-for' career (counseling) ticks away.  At work I sit in front of computer most of the day, very little face-to-face contact and tons of paper.  This is odd for me because I love connecting with people.  I love the interaction and I love the stimulating conversations.  In my current environment, I tend to hold the few visitors I get hostage, as if they were a life-line to the outside world.

My personal life is not immune to this crisis and I'm dealing with that the best way possible.  Trying to keep the passion alive, placing little things around me that will remind me of why I am where I am, trying to laugh more, trying to shed the dead weight, trying harder to see people for who they really are ... especially family.

I sometimes think this mid-life crisis thing is a way to excuse some of our crazy behavior as we get older.  I'm not trying to recreate myself, find 'my groove' (old Stella reference) or do any deep soul-searching.  I'm just trying to reach my true goals.  I'm just trying to fill the empty spaces in my life.  I'm just trying to live the life I sing about.  I'm just trying to be more like the person I would want to hang around.  I'm just trying to be a better me.


Monday, March 10, 2014

Loving You - Intimacy After Breast Cancer

My next series of blogs will touch on sex and intimacy after breast cancer.  What I like about this and a few other topics ... it can be applied across the board in your life.    
During my journey I have encountered hundreds of women (and a few men) who've given up a lot while adjusting to their 'new normal'.  You would think the main topic would be losing one or both breasts.  What I have witnessed is many instead talk about losing their hair, eyebrows, lashes, teeth, nails and yes ... their desire for intimacy.

"The sexual side effects of breast cancer can linger long after treatment stops. A 2007 follow-up report on young breast cancer survivors, conducted by researchers at the University of California-Berkeley, found that some women reported persistent sexual difficulties five years after their treatment had ended. And according to the National Cancer Institute, about one out of every two women who’ve undergone breast cancer treatment experiences long-term sexual dysfunction.
That’s the bad news. But the good news is there is sex after breast cancer!" (WebMD)
I always tell others you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.  This holds more truth after being told you have breast cancer.  The focus shouldn't be on resuming sexual relations, it should be on resuming relations ... PERIOD.  That means reestablishing communication, reconnecting with your companion, rediscovering each other and reigniting the passion.  This should occur long before sex enters the picture.  It's just like entering a new relationship and let's face it, the changes experienced during the journey have made us a new person.  

Relationships already have challenges, adding a life-changing diagnosis to the mix will make or break that relationship.  We must begin the journey of 'Loving You'.


To be continued ... <3 <3 <3

Resource:
http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/features/breast-cancer-sex-and-intimacy


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

What's Holding You Back?

It is not my habit to observe Lent or Ash Wednesday however, a dear friend (thank you Denita) posted an article entitled "20 Things to Give Up for Lent" written by Pastor Phil of the Lutheran Church of the Good Shepherd, Old Bridge, NJ. I found it to be very inspiring, timely and much needed in my life.  As IS my habit, I always share a good thing.  I have copied and pasted the article in my blog, so ... not to be accused of plagiarism, I am also including the link to this article 20 Things to Give Up for Lent.  I hope it touches you as much as it has touched me.

[...] With that said, I want to offer up 20 things you might consider giving up this Lent. And these are things to give up not just for Lent, but for the rest of your life.
  • Guilt – I am loved by Jesus and he has forgiven my sins. Today is a new day and the past is behind.
  • Fear – God is on my side. In him I am more than a conqueror. (see Romans 8)
  • The need to please everyone – I can’t please everyone anyways. There is only one I need to strive to please.
  • Envy – I am blessed. My value is not found in my possessions, but in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.
  • Impatience – God’s timing is the perfect timing.
  • Sense of entitlement – The world does not owe me anything. God does not owe me anything. I live in humility and grace.
  • Bitterness and Resentment – The only person I am hurting by holding on to these is myself.
  • Blame – I am not going to pass the buck. I will take responsibility for my actions.
  • Gossip and Negativity – I will put the best construction on everything when it comes to other people. I will also minimize my contact with people who are negative and toxic bringing other people down.
  • Comparison – I have my own unique contribution to make and there is no one else like me.
  • Fear of failure – You don’t succeed without experiencing failure. Just make sure you fail forward.
  • A spirit of poverty – Believe with God that there is always more than enough and never a lack
  • Feelings of unworthiness – You are fearfully and wonderfully made by your creator. (see Psalm 139)
  • Doubt – Believe God has a plan for you that is beyond anything you could imagine. The future is brighter than you could ever realize.
  • Self-pity – God comforts us in our sorrow so that we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
  • Retirement – As long as you are still breathing, you are here for a reason. You have a purpose to influence others for Christ. That does not come to an end until the day we die.
  • Excuses – A wise man once said, if you need an excuse, any excuse will do.
  • Lack of counsel – Wise decisions are rarely made in a vacuum.
  • Pride – Blessed are the humble.
  • Worry – God is in control and worrying will not help.
God has so much more in store for you. But so many of these things above are holding you back from walking in the full destiny he has laid out for you. Today is a new day.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Resources for Triple Negative Breast Cancer-Educate to Empower

Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation  www.tnbcfoundation.org 

Living Beyond Breast Cancer (LBBC) 

Download a free copy of our Guide to Understanding Triple-Negative Breast Cancer. 

Cancercare.org - Triple Negative Breast Cancer


Information on TNBC Day 3.3.14


Information on Clinical Trials

Download the NEW brochure - State of the Art Treatment for TNBC.pdf

"TNBC Foundation has entered into a partnership with Emerging Med to offer a Clinical Trials Matching Service, to make your search faster and easier. By filling out a profile online or by calling 1-877-769-4827 and speaking with a specially-trained clinical trials navigator, you can learn more about clinical trials that are specific to triple negative breast cancer as well as general breast cancer trials that may be enrolling triple negative patients."

http://clinicaltrials.gov  - "a registry of federally funded and privately supported trials in the US and globally."

National Cancer InstituteList of cancer clinical trials that are now accepting patients with triple-negative breast cancer.

tnAcity-Celgene Clinical Trial Center

Celgene Clinical Trials - Now enrolling patients with triple-negative metastatic breast cancer for first line treatment.



If you have questions or just need to talk

TNBC toll free helpline: 877-880-TNBC(8622) moderator@cancercare.org

Contact to participate in an online support group.

Breast Health Communities